Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
