i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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