Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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