I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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