So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
