i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
