i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A+ Viking dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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