idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
