So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
