Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
