"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
