her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
