Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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