Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
