Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
