Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
