We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
