Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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