Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
