i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
