I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
