Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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