im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize