I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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