I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
