One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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