I wish I only lived at night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
