end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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