no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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