please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
