I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
