sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
