my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
