wanna go halves on a baby?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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