dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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