Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Operation Purity has been aborted
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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