note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
