I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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