dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
