Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
