I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
