based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
