You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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