I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
