You smell like stripper and shame
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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