That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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