your room smells of hookers.
And success
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
