I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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