So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
