I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
