Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
