am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
