Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
