Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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