We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
