He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize