I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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