20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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