In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
