i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
