Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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