I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You ate ashes out of my bong
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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