When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
