I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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