My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if only i could text you this smell
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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