I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
