boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
