Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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