Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?

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(734): View more from Michigan

operation "beaches make me wet" is a go

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear

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(757): View more from Virginia

now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined

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(810): View more from Michigan

i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

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(810): View more from Michigan

I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire

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(661): View more from California

I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...

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(212): View more from New York

It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.

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(713): View more from Texas

Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.

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