You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize