Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
