some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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